Gay Banker interviews Will of DesignerBlog

I've interviewed quite a few fellow bloggers now, all gay men apart from the last one who was a teenage woman called Saf. But now there's only one more interview to do. The last interview victim is Will of DesignerBlog, who requested the interview in a comment to one of my postings last month.

Will is a 61 year old guy who lives in Boston in the USA. He came out as gay when he was about 35, but didn't meet his long term partner Fritz until he was in his early fifties. Judging by what he writes in his blog though, they're a perfect match for each other. Professionally, he's been working at MIT for over 30 years, as a theatrical designer, teacher and arts administrator.

To help me write pertinent interview questions I try and read the interviewee's blog including all the archives, but in Will's case I admit that this hasn't been possible. He started blogging almost three years ago in August 2003 and there's a huge amount to read. Luckily he did the standard blogger meme and posted 100 things about himself, so that helped enormously. Rummaging around in his archives I also found the answers to 30 adult questions which were very interesting too!

So Will, here are my interview questions:

1. You've mention a couple of times (1, 2) that being gay saved you. So what do you think would have happened to you if it hadn't been possible to come out as gay, e.g. if you'd been born 50 years earlier perhaps, or if you lived today in much less tolerant country?


2. In the parts of your blog that I've read you talk a lot about your life, politics and gay issues. But I haven't found anything about your love of theatre, which I assume from your job that you must have! So what's your favourite play that's been written during your lifetime, and what's your favourite play that was written before you were born?


3. According to the 100 things, you were married for ten years, so you've obviously had heterosexual sexual experiences! My readers always expect a bit of adult content to my interviews so can you give us a paragraph or two comparing your experiences of straight sex to gay sex?


4. You also mention in the 100 things that you came out as gay around the same time you accepted that you are an atheist. But I've not read anything else in your blog about how you came out. So can you tell us your full coming out story?


5. Imagine: you can be transported back in time to witness one historical event of your choice. Which historical event do you choose and why?

I got an e-mail from Will yesterday to say that he's going to be on holiday with his partner Fritz for the next two weeks, so it may be a while before we get the answers. Anyway, that's the last interview that I'll be doing for the foreseeable future. Interviewing other bloggers by blog has been good fun :-), so hopefully some of the bloggers that I've interviewed will be keeping this interview meme alive!

Update [1-Aug-2006]: Having returned from holiday, Will has posted some excellent answers! Enjoy :-)

Gay Banker interviews Saf

Although I've now interviewed nine people, they've all been gay guys. So it was with a great deal of trepidation that I agreed to interview Saf, a sixteen year old teenage girl who lives in Canada.

In spite of her young age, it's clear that she's already had an interesting life. Having been born in Canada, she went to live in California for a few years, only to return to Canada when her father died.

The fact that an interview like this can occur is a triumph for the egalitarian ideals of the internet. How else would it be possible for a gay male sex maniac like me to interview a young woman who has yet to lose her virginity?

I had to make a decision when drafting these questions of course. Should I make allowances for her tender young age and perhaps ask her questions about her favourite childhood pastimes? Given what she's posted to her blog so far, I don't think that would be at all appropriate! So Saf, without further ado, here are my interview questions:

1. Lets examine the evidence. You've a regular visitor to my blog, GayBoyDiary's blog, and Saddle-up's blog, and all three of us are gay guys. You're also close friends with a gay guy of your own age. So do you worry about what life is going to be like as a fag hag?


2. Imagine: following an unimaginable global cataclysm, you and me are the last human beings left alive. In a heroic gesture I agree to help you repopulate the Earth. What do our kids turn out like?


3. So far, at least, you've successfully kept your virginity. But to satisfy my readers depraved minds, and to give you something to look back on, can you describe how you hope the event will happen?


4. When you say your mother describes you as wise beyond your years, I can't help myself thinking of precocious rude kid Eric Cartman from the cartoon South Park. Is comparing you to Cartman unfair, or are there any ways in which it's justified?


5. And finally, you've lived in both Canada and the USA. Can you name one aspect of Canadian life that you think the USA lacks, and one aspect of American life that you think Canada lacks?

Update: Saf has posted some great answers.

The next interview candidate is Will. I'll try and get his questions out over the next three weeks or so.

Gay Banker interviews LJKelley

The next interview candidate is LJKelley. His blog is an unusual mixture of Kylie worship, political rants, and poetry. But then perhaps an unusual mixture is to be expected, given that he describes himself by saying:

I'm a traveling computer geek. I enjoy activity, as well as quiet time at the beach or infront of this screen. I'm opionated and crazy (At least I'm admitting it unlike the rest of you)

In an effort to conduct a better interview I left a comment on his blog asking whether there was anywhere else I could look to help devise appropriate questions. In his brief reply he told me that he has a web site with a UK domain name, a myspace.com profile, as well as a gay.com profile. (And I also sent him another e-mail to check that he didn't mind me posting these sites.)

He's certainly got an interesting background. Since he lives in Florida one might assume that he's just another cute young American gay boy who likes to soak up the sun. But he speaks Norwegian, which certainly seems unusual to me for someone living in that part of the world.

So LJKelley, here are my interview questions:

1. According to your myspace profile you're in a relationship, but apart from saying things like 'he makes me happy" in your poem, you never mention anything about your boyfriend in your blog. So how did you meet him, and what's he like?


2. Imagine that you can play god and choose famous historical (or fictional) characters for the major roles in the US government (President, Secretary of State, Secretary of Defense, Secretary of the Treasury, etc). Who do you choose, and why?


3. In spite of your poem which talks about "No one else for ... me, One and Only!", your gay.com profile says that you're in an open relationship. My readers are always interested in the salacious details so can you describe some of your activities outside of your relationship to keep them satisfied?


4. You describe yourself as a travelling geek, although it's not clear to me whether your travel is for business or pleasure. So what kind of places to you go to, and do you ever meet any interesting gay guys on your travels?


5. And finally, you're 21 years old. What do you hope to achieve before you're 30?

The next interview candidate is a sixteen year old woman called saf. I've never interviewed a woman before and I'm not sure I'll be any good at it. Anyway, I'll try to get her questions out by early July at the latest.

Update: It only took Josef (aka LJKelley) a day and a half to come up with some good answers.

Gay Banker interviews bullchef

And so, the interview meme continues. Over the last few weeks I’ve been interviewed by PJ and by Reluctant Nomad, and on the other side of the coin I’ve been the interviwer for GB(D) and for Saddle-Up. Now it's bullchef's turn to be interviewed :-).

Bullchef is a great profile name for the guy. He’s a head chef, but quite a well-built one so the name fits him well. He says he wishes he could eat less, but I wholeheartedly agree with him when he goes on to admit that “I am a chef, and they do say never trust a thin one”!

He’s got a boyfriend called Colin who he’s been with around 5 years now, and although they have their ups and downs, the impression from his blog is of a fundamentally strong relationship.

So bullchef, here are my interview questions:

1. You’re in an Open relationship which works. What do you think the potential pitfalls are for couples in an open relationship, and how have you and Colin avoided them?


2. You post a lot of reviews of current films on you blog (e.g. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, The Da Vinci Code). But what are your three favourite classic films and why?


3. I was intrigued by your list of horny questions. So can you let my readers know your answers, given that it’s me asking you those questions?


4. You used to live in Spain, and on return from your holiday from the USA last year you were thinking of trying to get green cards so you could both go and work over there. So what things make you most want to live outside of the UK?


5. And finally, to end on a happy note, what was the happiest day of your life so far?

Update (8-Jun-2006): bullchef has posted some good answers :-)

The next interview candidate is LJKelley. I'll try to get his questions out over the next couple of weeks or so.

Gay Banker interviewed by Reluctant Nomad

Back in January, Reluctant Nomad was the third person that I interviewed. When I interview someone, if I’ve got time I’ll try to find out a bit about them by reading their blogs. So as a result of the research I did back in January, I feel I know him to some extent. And although we’ve never actually met, we did have have an online chat on gaydar once.

The rules of The Official Interview Game, posted at the bottom of my answers to PJ’s interview questions, don’t force the interviewee to interview the interviewer in return. The interviewer has to request it. So on a visit to Reluctant Nomad’s blog last month, I thought that it would be fun to get him to interview me.

It was interesting to read Reluctant Nomad’s introduction to my interview questions. He did a good job clinically dissecting my blog and Gay Banker identity! But he’s not quite right on one point. He is right that for years when I started meeting other guys for casual sex I would indeed only see them once so as to keep an emotional detachment. However it was in 2002, not 2005, that I “let my guard down" and met a guy who I had first met in 2001. As my first ever posting reveals, that guy was P, and I now refer to P as boyfriend number 2!

Anyway, thanks for a great set of questions Reluctant Nomad, here are my answers:

Question 1: Do you post about all your sexual encounters? If not, what makes you leave some of them out?

The simple answer is Yes, I do post all my sexual encounters. But in fact there are a few exceptions, solo wanks for example! I’ve also never written about sex with boyfriend number 1, and similarly when I went on holiday with boyfriend number 2 last summer I didn’t write about the sex with him either. Recently I’ve been wondering if it’s time to stop writing about my encounters with boyfriend number 3 too.

The reason for posting all encounters was originally because this blog was just for me, so that when I’m old and grey and the Alzheimer’s has kicked in I’ll be able to remember everything that I got up to. Indeed, after the first three months of blogging I only had about two visitors a day. As I’ve acquired a readership though this blog has taken on a life of its own to some extent, but even so I’m still following the posting guidelines that I originally set myself.

Question 2: Most (all?) of your sexual encounters are arranged through gaydar (mainly) and gay.com. I’d have thought that your blog could be another source now that you have an established readership. Have any sexual encounters resulted from your blog?

This is a very interesting question. Of course, for the first six month or so when I started blogging there were also opportunities in the gym sauna, but last summer the sauna at the gym I go to was closed :-(. More and more though, I do in fact get propositions as a result of this blog, currently at a rate of about one a week. The light hearted propositions that appear in comments to my postings are typical (thanks sunshine wallflower, thanks closetalk), a kind of throw away remark which, in some circumstances, could just possibly lead to a bit of fun. But I also get propositions in my e-mail inbox, or sometimes when I’m chatting to a reader via gaydar or MSN. (NB: although I’ve got a Yahoo e-mail address, in fact I use it in conjunction with MSN instead of Yahoo Messenger!)

I’m always flattered when any guy thinks, purely from reading my blog, that I’m worth jumping in the sack with. But, so far at least, I’ve refused all offers. For my own peace of mine, I want my identity to remain completely confidential, and meeting anyone as Gay Banker would compromise that. I don’t feel that I could write about my sex life if anyone knew who I really was. On top of that if I ever did meet anyone they’d have such an advantage over me, because if they’d read my blog they would know a lot about me, so I would probably feel quite uncomfortable. Beyond even that, any guys I met through this blog would know that I’d probably end up writing about them too, so that could make the whole situation very artificial.

I don’t want guys to stop asking of course, because it’s always an ego boost. But just don’t expect me to accept!

Question 3: You obviously have a good body and have no difficulty in attracting many varied sexual partners based on your gaydar profile. Without giving us your gaydar profile (you can, if you want!), what do you think it is about you that makes you attractive to all these men?

This is a hard question, because I’m not sure. Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder, so how can I know what other guys think? As you suggest, I am reasonably fit because I do go to the gym regularly. One thing that hopefully comes across when I’m chatting to guys online is my optimism and sense of humour, I think that probably helps.

I’m also convinced that online cruising is a skill, just like cruising in a bar or club is a skill too. So just sometimes, I’m probably successful in meeting a guy that I fancy when a guy who's less experienced at online cruising would fail. Legal-ize-IT alludes to this skill in a comment to one of my recent postings.

Beyond those thoughts I’m not sure. My cruising profile on gaydar doesn’t advertise me as the hung top sent from heaven or the perfect compliant bottom. I'm fact I'm often open to the different suggestions that guys online come up with, which keeps things interesting, as well as making it easier to find guys to meet.

As I’ve got older, I find I enjoy the body contact, kissing, and cuddle aspect of my encounters as much as the orgasmic aspect. So whatever people think about the hard core nature of gaydar and gay.com, my experiences prove that there are definitely guys like me around who enjoy the softer side of gay sex too.

Question 4: In discussing how some Asian men seem very keen on Western men, you make this statement: ‘With me the more I get to know someone like P, the more I care about them, whatever race they are.’ However, on a purely physical level, your experiences may have led you to conclude that some men are more sexually interesting to you than others. So, by race/nationality/age/etc, do you have a preference? Incidentally, have you ever thought of creating a map of the different countries from which the men you’ve had sex with come from (like the map you did of countries visited)?

I know it’s a bit of a cliché but for me, it’s the personality that counts most. However, this does have implications in terms of race/nationality/age. In particular, I find that Asian guys tend to have less attitude than Western guys. So if I’m online and I spot two guys that I fancy, one Asian and one Western, it’ll be the Asian guy that I’ll start chatting to first. But I can (and do) find guys of all races, nationalities and ages to play with. In terms of physical attributes though, for sex I guess I’m less attracted to stocky guys, although I do have many friends who fall into that category.

Even before the implied invitation in your question, I had thought of creating a map showing the country of origin of the guys that I’ve met for fun. But then I’m not always sure where the guys I meet come from, and I also wonder whether I should focus on ethnic origin or country of birth. Furthermore, even if I did know how to categorise a guy when I met him, the further back in time the meeting was, the less sure I am today because I know my memory isn’t perfect (and country of origin is one of the details which I sometimes change in blog postings to protect people’s identities). So for now I’ll pass on that one.

Question 5: In one of the answers to PJ’s questions you say that you have two completely separate identities, a cruising one and a home/work one, that you don’t mix up. Are they radically different from each other? If they were two different people, would they get on with each other?

Haha, very clever, but I was talking about identities, not personalities. Think about the film The Bourne Identity where hunk Matt Damon has several passports with different names. So it’s the same personality, but when I’m Gay Banker I talk about boyfriend number 1 and sign my e-mails GB, and when I’m using my home/work identity I talk about my partner X and sign myself Y. I do sometimes wonder though how easy it would be for someone who knows one identity and accidentally comes across the other identity to make the connection between the two. If I keep the GB identity ‘alive’ for long enough it’s bound to happen eventually!

Gay Banker interviews saddle-up

I was flattered when I read saddle-up's first ever posting, because my blog seems to have been one of the things which prompted him to start his blog.

I've never interviewed anyone like saddle-up before. His blog says that he lives in East Anglia, and a cunning google search suggests to me that it might be King's Lynn. But I've never been to King's Lynn so that doesn't help me much!

He's got a boyfriend (Fella), but he gives the impression that there are some relationship problems. He regrets that they don't have sex any more, and in a list that he posted early May he says

I MISS: laughing out loud with my Fella
I START: arguments just for contact with my Fella

And then there's the mysterious Mr X. Both saddle-up and Mr X have long term partners, but in a recent posting saddle-up says "I don't know... it's like we are wired up the right way for each other".

So saddle-up, here are my interview questions:

1. Your first gay experience was with a guy much older than you. Do you think that has any connection with the fact that all these years later, your long term partner is also much older than you?


2. Excluding anything that you've already blogged or related to your 'mods', can you describe the most memorable day of your life so far?


3. After your first two posts you deny being a slut. But the next day you admit that you're a slut after all! To clear up this confusion, can you recount your sluttiest experience(s) and let my readers decide for themselves?


4. How did you meet your Fella?


5. And finally, a chance for a bit of creativity. Imagine: you and me are contestants on a reality TV show. Although I don't know it, the task you've been given is to persuade me to get a 'mod'. What happens?

The next interview candidate is bullchef. I'll try to get his questions out in the first couple of weeks of June.

Update: it only took saddle-up around eighteen hours to come up with these fabulous answers. And his answer to my first question is a fascinating story.

Gay Banker interviews gayboydiary

When I posted my answers to PJ's interview questions, a few guys commented that they'd like me to interview them. It's all part of the game of course - anyone who's got a blog can ask to be interviewed, but in return they have to be prepared to interview others if any requests are made. So having asked PJ to interview me, I've now got some interviewing to do again :-)

This time round, gayboydiary made the request first, so he gets the first set of questions. He's been blogging since last December. But it was only last month that he revealed various key pieces of information about himself. Some of the things he says seem a bit contradictory. In particular, he's only had sex with 10 different guys, but he's an expert at threesomes! A dark horse indeed.

So gayboydiary, here are my interview questions:

1. Apart from blue eyes, what other attributes would your perfect boyfriend have?


2. I've always thought that blogs with adverts on look a bit cheap, what do you think?


3. You lost your virginity at 17, and with your definition of sex I'd guess that might have been a mutual masturbation session with a school friend. Whatever it was I'm sure my readers would like to know more, so can you go into any of the juicy details?


4. You take the tube to work, you go out regularly on the London gay scene, so like me I guess you live in London. What do you think the pros and cons of living in London are?


5. Finally, you're 25 years old, so when do you think you'll evolve from a gay boy into a gay man?

The next interview candidate is saddle-up. I'll try to get his questions out before the end of May.

Update: somehow gayboydiary managed to post his answers at 03:09am, only three hours after I posted the questions! Good answers too. Question 3 even managed to provoke a "The next part is rather embarassing and I wish I hadn't asked to be interviewed ...." :-)

Gay Banker interviewed by PJ

Last December, I was interviewed by Sage, and following the rules of The Official Interview Game I went on to interview various other guys including PJ. But I never gave PJ the chance to reciprocate and interview me, until I left a comment on one of his postings last week.

So thanks for a nice set of varied questions PJ :-)). Here are my answers:

Question 1. Just how do you manage to not tell the boyfriend everything? I'm about as good at keeping a secret from the boyfriend as he is at getting up and out of the house in the morning without waking me and the cat up (ie it just never happens!). Do you never get confused about what things you've told him and what you haven't?

Actually I don't think I've ever had a problem in this respect. Right from the start I knew that boyfriend number 1 was very keen on monogamous relationships, so after my first encounter with another guy I decided that boyfriend number 1 didn't need to know. In fact I resolved to keep it secret from absolutely everyone I knew. Even if I told some of my oldest and closest friends, I knew that I couldn’t be certain that the secret wouldn’t leak out to him, so I told absolutely no one. Sometimes the truth can be unnecessarily painful, so I decided not to subject the one I love to the pain I knew that he’d feel. I was still committed to him of course, and it all worked well for ten years.

Perhaps one of the unusual aspects of my personality is that I'm capable of making resolutions and sticking to them over very long periods of time. How many people resolve to go to the gym, and give up after a few months? Or start a blog, and get bored after a few weeks? I resolved to start going to the gym in 1996, and I'm still going. Similarly I resolved to start a blog in early 2005, and here it is, still going. Keeping my activities secret from everyone fell into the same category.

One of the important things when I first resolved to keep everything secret was realising that I would have to lie shamelessly! I couldn't simply be evasive if a direct question came up, that would give the game away. No point trying to give clever answers to difficult questions in an effort to try and tell the smallest lie. Deny everything without thinking about it.

In some ways, it’s like being able to speak more than one language. When people can speak two or more languages, they don’t mix them up. Instead of languages of course I’m talking about identities. I don’t mix up my different identities. I guess I’ve got a cruising identity, which is part of my Gay Banker identity, which is completely separate from my home/work identity.

Now that I have told boyfriend number 1 that I’m not the monogamous person he thought I was, it’s still simple to keep the identities separate because I know that I’ve only told him the outline with no details. Unfortunately it’s still not clear whether our relationship will survive this trauma or not.

Anyway, surely everyone can keep some secrets, such as the present that we've bought our loved ones for Christmas?

Question 2. Are you a reader? If so, what three books should I read and why? And if you're not, what do you keep on your shelves??

I am an occasional reader of novels, and since I'm only an occasional reader I decided years ago that there's no point reading only average or even good novels. There are more than enough truly great novels to last my lifetime, so I always focus on books which have won prizes, or classics which have stood the test of time.

If you haven't read it, you should definitely read my favourite classic, which is Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Written at a time when tumultuous events were occurring throughout Europe as Napoleon ravaged the continent, a clergyman's daughter called Jane Austen wrote a quiet little book where the main events are that a man changes his manners and a woman changes her mind. But it's a stunning masterpiece. In fact I'd thoroughly recommend all her other novels, apart perhaps from Northanger Abbey which has a very different feel to it from the other five. In some ways they're all the same, they're all love stories with happy endings where the women eventually ends up with the man. But the beauty is in the telling.

My other favourite book was written less than 50 years ago. It's To Kill a Mocking Bird, by Harper Lee, and it won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction in 1961. I can remember when reading it that there were some passages that made me cry - it's a very moving and powerful story.

For years I've always felt well prepared for the "what's your favourite book?" question because I've had two - but you've asked for three! So I've racked my brain to try and remember other books which I've loved and finally I remembered a book which I read when I was at university which I couldn't put down. J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. I guess we've all seen the recent movies, but the original book is a cracking read!

Question 3. You got my 'coming out' tale (or as much of it as there has yet been: the family are still awaiting their invitation to the party!). So what's yours??

Fair question. Actually I have said a few things occasionally on this subject, but it's true that I've never told the story properly.

I reached university without ever having had a girlfriend. Very very deep down I guess I knew the truth, but it was completely suppressed. My father would occasionally make anti-gay remarks, and coupled with standard schoolboy homophobia which I experienced at school there was simply no way that I could be gay.

At university I didn't have girlfriends either. Eventually I forced myself to have one date with a woman which was a disaster. We tried kissing at the end and I felt repulsed, it wasn't for me! Throughout my university career, looking back I can see that I kept on falling in love with my closest male friends. But at the time all I knew was that I wasn't gay, I just couldn't be!

After university I moved to London to start my first investment banking job, and I rented a room from one of my close friends from university who had bought a house. I still had a crush on him. The thing about this friend though was that once, when we were still at university together, there was an occasion when we were both drunk and he had made a pass at me! At the time I sobered up immediately and ran away, but I never forgot. This friend is definitely mostly heterosexual, but clearly with a slight bi-sexual tendency.

Eventually, without even really knowing what I was doing, I made a pass at this friend. It was unsuccessful. But the result was that over the course of the next couple of days he helped me realise that I was gay. Finally I had started coming out.

But I found the concept that I was gay very very difficult, so I made myself go to group counselling at London Friend. It was there that I made friends with a guy who was in a similar situation to me, and eventually we spent a night together. We weren't really compatible and I didn't see much of him after that night, but I guess that was the beginning of my gay life.

Gradually I came out to various friends, and within a couple of years I'd met boyfriend number 1 and had come out to my family too. All in all it wasn't an easy coming out. It proved to me that being honest with oneself can be the hardest thing to do.

Question 4. What/who do I look like? see, even with just five questions I can't resist bringing it back to me, me, me! total attention seeker: the nomad was right all along! ;-)

Actually I reckon this is the most interesting question. Working out what someone looks like from their blog! I noted in the pre-amble to my interview questions for PJ that he'd posted a couple (1/2) of unrevealing photos on this blog, so there's not much hard evidence to go on.

But the truth is, whenever I think of PJ, one image always springs to mind. Because he's got such a strong interest in nature and the environment, I always picture him as the BBC survival presenter Ray Mears. The only image I could find of Ray Mears to post here is a very old one. The image I have of PJ corresponds more to the slightly cuddlier Ray Mears that's been on BBC television over the last few years. So PJ, perhaps you should put the record straight and show us what you really look like?

Question 5. And finally, my standard one-size-fits-all family favourite: What are you listening to at the moment?

At last an easy one. The only thing filling my ears at the moment is the sound of boyfriend number 1 in the shower. And the thought of a moist, pert, naked man's body always gets my juices going. Music to my ears!

Want to play? The Official Interview Game Rules:

• If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, "interview me".


• I will respond by asking you five questions - each persons will be different.


• You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.


• You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.


• When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Interview questions for aBoyInMess

Last week, aBoyInMess requested an interview after reading my Interview questions for Sage. So I've been reading his blog to help try and work out some sensible questions.

His blog is a bit shorter than the blogs of the other guys I've interviewed (Sage, Eric, Reluctant Nomad, PJ), so there's lots of scope to ask questions. Unlike some of my previous interviewees, he hasn't been interviewed before either.

As far as I can tell, he's had one big long term relationship which ended bitterly. Now that the relationship is over, definitely over in fact, he's avoiding all communication with his ex. Although he doesn't talk much about his sex life, sometimes we get glimpses, for example when he had difficulty finding a shop to sell him condoms. And another posting suggests that he's serviced quite a few married guys.

I'd like to ask him about the relationship with his ex, because it sounds like there's a huge amount of fascinating stuff under the surface which we never get to hear about. How did they meet, did they live together at all, how long did it last, and most interestingly of all, why did it end so bitterly? But given the strength of his feelings against his ex-boyfriend, I'm NOT going to ask those questions. I don't want my interviewee to walk out on me.

So aBoyInMess, here are my interview questions:

1. When Anwar Ibrahim was convicted of sodomy in Malaysia 6 years ago, I was left with the impression that Malaysia must be a terrible place for gay guys to live. So what is it like to be a gay man in Malaysia these days?
2. Your profile admits that you behave like a 15 year old. So what do you want to be when you grow up?
3. How out are you as a gay man to all your friends, family, and work colleagues?
4. Your blogger name implies that your life is a mess! So can you name just one thing that you're going to do in 2006 to sort your life out?
5. It's sweet that your mom still does your washing. Perhaps you're still living with your parents. In any case, can you describe your ideal home?

Update: aBoyInMess has posted some good answers :-)

Interview questions for PJ

Just after New Year, PJ left a comment to the interview questions I wrote for Sage saying "there's nothing i'd like more than a thorough interrogation from a guy in a suit". So with my best suit on I've been delving into his archives trying to devise some cunning interview questions for him :-)

He's been interviewed before of course, most recently by Sage. Looking back further, he opened himself up for interview in a different way last April Fools Day, posting the answers a week later. But although he's posted pics of himself in his blog, they're not very revealing ones. I found this one, and also one titled PJ & the Bear from his holiday in Canada.

Generally, it seems to me that PJ gives very little away about himself in his blog! But since he invited me to interview him, hopefully this is an opportunity to find out a bit more about him. So PJ, here are my interview questions for you:

1. You've put a lot of beautiful nature pictures on your blog, including some pictures of a few creepy crawlies too. No doubt this is somehow related to your job at an environmental NGO. How did you come to develop such a strong interest in nature and the environment?


2. If there's anything on your blog about how you came out as gay I couldn't find it. So what's your coming out story? (It would be good if you could include some juicy bits in your answer!)


3. Back in May, you were looking forward to Narnia and Harry Potter. Was it worth the wait?


4. I couldn't find much in your blog about your families either. As a gay couple, do you get on well with your respective parents and siblings?


5. Finally, what's your dream holiday?

Update: PJ has posted some good answers here :-)

Interview questions for Reluctant Nomad

When I posted my interview questions for Sage, Reluctant Nomad posted a comment requesting that I interview him too. So I've been trawling through his archives and the internet in general to see what I can dig up, in an effort to help me ask pertinent questions.

According to his technorati profile his name is Alan. He got into blogging having been a guest blogger for Troubled Diva, which is where I got the photo of him from on the right. Piecing together the clues in his blog I reckon he's 46 years old. The calculation is based on the fact that he arrived in the UK in 1987, coupled with the fact that he didn't realise that he was South African until he was 27 when he moved to the UK.

As usual though, it's his personal life which I find most interesting. In particular he's a gay guy with a wife and two kids who live in Cape Town. His wife knows he's gay, although for some reason he had to re-confess the fact. And he had a boyfriend called C for seven years, although C hardly ever seems to get a mention.

So Reluctant Nomad, here are my interview questions:

1. What was it like growing up gay in apartheid South Africa?


2. You've promised a coming out posting sometime but for now, how did your wife react when you confessed (and re-confessed) to her that you're gay?


3. What is the least favourite city that your nomadic lifestyle has taken you to, and why?


4. Long term, do you expect to find a boyfriend to settle down with, or do you think you'll end up back with your wife in Cape Town?


5. Finally, who's your favourite porn star (or if you don't have a favourite porn star, your favourite actor who you wish was a porn star)?

Update: it only too Reluctant Nomad a few hours to produce these excellent answers :-)

Interview questions for Eric

In a comment to my post containing Sage's interview questions, Eric says "I'll put my hat in the ring as well - I'll be back with some questions for you". So I guess he'll interview me, and I'll interview him :-)

Interestingly, Eric and Sage live in the same city, Toronto. They've interviewed each other via blog, and often seem to leave comments on each other's blogs.

Eric's blog is kinda the opposite of my blog. My blog contains very little about my everyday life, it's mostly a diary of my casual encounter hobby and relationship problems. Eric's blog contains almost nothing about relationships and sexual encounters, but lots and lots of everything else. I did manage to find a few morsels about relationships and sex though. Regarding relationships he keeps us guessing with lines like

• There's a whole post waiting to be written about the state I'm in with regards to relationships - and in particular my take on a romantic relationship
• I've been thinking about relationships - mainly mine with myself, my friends, my family and the partner I don't currently have ... Is it possible to miss something you've never had?
• I'm after the 'happily ever after' story

Digging back even further I find that he stayed overnight with a guy called Shawn almost two years ago, which must have been a one night stand given that the guy is never mentioned again. And in his list of 200 things, we discover that he (96) Had sex at the office, and (106) Masturbated in a public place :-)

So Eric, here are my interview questions:

1. You're got a nickname from one of the characters in the Golden Girls. Unless there's a huge amount you're not telling us in your blog I think it's clear you're not Blanche (!), but what makes Dorothy the most appropriate match to you?


2. Since you live in the same city as Sage, I can't help wondering whether you've met face to face. There doesn't seem to be any evidence of a meeting in either of your blogs. So either (a) what happened when you met for the first time, or (b) why are you avoiding each other?


3. You're simultaneously a Zen Buddhist, and a marketing guy. But how do you resolve the conflict here? Isn't Zen Buddhism about giving up material things, whereas marketing is the opposite because you're working to make us buy stuff?


4. Perhaps as a prelude to your post waiting to be written about relationships you could let us know what your perfect boyfriend/husband would be like?


5. Finally, if you had to live the life of a historical figure, who would it be and why?

Update: Eric has now published his answers.

Interview questions for Sage

In a comment to my interview answers last week, my interviewer Sage volunteered to let me interview him in return. It turns out that Sage has been interviewed before, a few months ago, which makes the task slightly harder because I obviously need to cover different areas.

One question I'll have to ask will be his views on monogamy for gay couples. I won't be in character as Gay Banker if I don't ask something like that! Are there any clues in his blog relating to this subject?

Well he can be a bit of a flirt, and sometimes other guys he notices get mentioned in his blog e.g. French towel boy, hunky groundskeeper. Sometimes he seems to miss being single too, although he's never cheated on a boyfriend (presumably his husband is included in his definition of boyfriend). But Sage and his husband are both in their mid-30's now. According to Joe.My.God somewhere in the mid-30's vehement defense of monogamous relationships pretty much evaporates.

So Sage, these are the questions I've come up with:

1. You have around 50 decks of Tarot cards. How much notice do you take of Tarot or astrological predictions?


2. It's impressive that you can work full-time as well as study for an MBA. Is there anything you hope to get out of the MBA degree, apart from career advancement as a university administrator?


3. You're a bit of a bookworm and a sci-fi addict too. But what's your favourite book written more than 100 years ago?


4. Having achieved ten years with your husband Boobah, what are your views on monogamy in gay relationships?


5. Lastly, if you had to be a woman, who would you want to be (and why)?

Want to play? The Official Interview Games Rules:

• If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, "interview me".


• I will respond by asking you five questions - each persons will be different.


• You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.


• You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.


• When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Update: Sage's answers are now posted.

Sage interviews Gay Banker

A few days ago, I spotted one gay blogger (Sage) interviewing another gay blogger (Atari_Age) via blog. Sage put the questions on his blog, and Atari_Age posted the answers on his. Perhaps someone could let me know whether this kind of online blog-oriented interview is new, or whether it's been around for a while? I've certainly never seen it done before.

What kind of questions would Sage ask me if I took him up on his offer to interview other bloggers? Anyone who's read my blog for a while will know that I'm the kind of guy who jumps into things both feet first to find out what something is all about, so I left a comment on Sage's blog volunteering to be interviewed. Within 24 hours he'd done his research and devised five interview questions tailor made for me.

When I first read the questions, I was struck by how thoughtful they were. Perhaps I can return the favour to someone? If any other blogger wants me to interview them according to the same rules, please let me know and I'll devise some questions.

Anyway, here are my answers to Sage's interview questions:


Question 1. Beyond the original incident, how did your causal encounter hobby become a regular activity??

The internet is to blame! Although it wasn't responsible for the original incident, the internet is certainly responsible for making it easy for gay guys to find casual sexual partners. Without the internet I would never have been able to meet so many guys without boyfriend number 1 finding out. The original incident reminded me how much I enjoyed the adventure of finding no-strings sex, but the internet made it possible for me to do it on a regular basis.

While I'm on this subject, I went for a coffee with a friend yesterday, a gay guy in his early 30's who came out about three or four years ago. Although he doesn't know about my casual encounter hobby, or this blog, we often seem to talk about sex and the internet.

"Without the gaydar chat rooms I wouldn't have a sex life", he said.

I laughed. "How many guys a month do you meet then?" I asked, although I could make a pretty good guess.

"Hmmm", he says thinking, "at least ten a month, at least!"

By those standards, I'm relatively chaste.


Question 2. When did you first know that you were in love with boyfriend number 1?

I guess this is where I divulge a bit about my relationship with boyfriend number 1. If you read this entire blog, you'd find out very little about him. Of course that's partly by definition (this blog is called "Things I can't tell boyfriend number 1"), but it's also because I originally thought that my relationship with boyfriend number wasn't for public consumption. I guess that idea got discarded last summer when I went on holiday with boyfriend number 2.

Remembering back to 1989 when we first got together, it was him who proposed to me. At the time I wasn't sure about having a relationship with him, so I certainly wasn't originally in love with him at the start. But over the following few years he became the most important part of my life, so my love developed gradually over that period. Of course I still love him, which is why it'll be very difficult for me if we end up separating now that he knows what I get up to.


Question 3. Your first sexual experience--was it with a man or a woman?

I'm a pure homo! Never had sex with a woman, don't think I ever will. Some gay guys (like Boyfriend number 1) have lots of female friends, but I always feel more comfortable in the company of other men, gay or straight.

It took me a while to have my first sexual experience though. I wrestled with my sexuality while I was at university because I didn't want to be gay. I had a couple of dates with women, but they were hopeless failures. After I left university I gradually realised the truth, had sex with a guy, and never really looked back.


4. How did you come to have a career in investment banking?

I guess there are some lucky people who, when they're children, know what they want to be when they grow up and work to fulfill their dreams. But I had no idea. Then one day while I was in my last year at university, I got talking to a friend who left university the previous year, and had started work for a stockbroker in the City of London.

"It's good in the City at the moment GB", he said, "I'll get you an interview at the firm I work for if you're interested".

Out of curiosity I took him up on the offer of an interview, and although I didn't get a job with that particular firm, I saw some attraction to working in finance. So I did my homework to learn more about it, applied for graduate jobs at as many suitable firms as I could find, and ended up getting myself a job at an investment bank. I've never regretted my decision and still (usually) enjoy the work :-)


5. Lastly, what advice would you give to a newly married, or civil unioned(?), gay couple?

A very good question given that I live in the UK, because since last week it has been possible for same-sex couples in the UK to have civil unions. Civil unions essentially give gay couples the same rights and responsibilities that a marriage gives heterosexual couples.

Looking at my relationship with boyfriend number 1, I wish I'd been more honest with him. But I reckon the hardest thing about honesty isn't just being truthful to one's partner - it's being truthful with oneself. Coming out as gay is one of the classic situations where a lot of people are initially not honest with themselves, which is why the first step of coming out to oneself can be the hardest.

In the mid 1990's when my causal encounter hobby began I don't think I was being honest with myself. "Occasionally I can meet a guy for some no-strings sex and boyfriend number 1 need never know". But ten years later when we hit a rocky patch it all comes out. Perhaps honesty isn't quite the right word but it's close, I think I was just deluding myself that there would be no consequences. It's very easy to believe something that you want to believe, but that doesn't make it true.

So to keep a relationship strong, my advice would be to try and be honest first with yourselves, and secondly with each other. Keep communicating. It's not easy. In spite of my current situation, most of the time my relationship with boyfriend number 1 has been wonderful.

PS: thanks to Sage for posing me such good questions.