Email about strip clubs from a straight woman

A straight woman recently sent me the following email:

Dear GB,

I think this may be the first email you have received from a straight woman. I really enjoy reading your blog as I find it well-written and interesting. It also opens a window into a world that I am not familiar with in daily life. I also like the considered advice that you give without being judgemental and that is why I am writing to you.

I have two male friends, one gay and one Christian, who are thinking of going into investment banking. The problem is that they are concerned about aspects of the "entertaining" side of things, by which I mean strip-clubs. My gay friend dislikes it because he finds it demeaning and abusive and perhaps (I think) because he was always expected to admire women's bodies when he did not want to. My Christian friend is utterly revolted by it because he thinks that it is wrong to buy another human for sexual gratification just because you can, many women are exploited this way, the men behave like farmyard animals and that it is all rather degrading. In any case, this is not an email about the rights and wrongs of stripping. My questions are these:

• How prevalent is going to strip clubs in banking circles? What percentage of people go?
• What happens if a person, for whatever reason, does not want to go to strip clubs? Is his (or indeed her) career in banking affected?
• Is that person subject to taunts from others and excluded either socially or professionally?
• Is doing sporty stuff i.e. golf, football matches enough?

I know that you have said in the past that you don't do things with women in strip joints, stating that you are "just a voyeur". But my questions centre around what happens if a guy just doesn't even want to go to the strip joint in the first place.

My friends are not writing to you themselves because the Christian one does not read gay blogs (but he has no problem at all with gay people). I told my gay friend to read your blog and email you (you should have seen his face when I said I really enjoyed reading a gay blog)! But I think he is sticking his head in the sand. So I am doing it mostly because I am getting tired of hearing them talking about it with conversations going round in circles all the time. We don't know anybody in investment banking and are not sure of getting an honest answer even if we did.

I am really sorry you split up with your boyfriend and I hope you find someone special soon.

Keep writing, An avid reader.

It was nice to get an email from a straight woman :-). In fact my very first "Dear GB" posting was for a straight woman, and so was my third "Dear GB" posting. However, since then there've been no such emails until last month.

The general answer to this question is that strip club visits are very rare. There were just three occasions in my career when I've been in a strip club as a direct result of my job, and on none of those occasions did I feel forced into going. All occasions were late at night on international business trips and after a few drinks, twice just with colleagues, and on one occasion with some of the bank's clients too. Two of those occasions were in Paris, and one (when I said "I'm a voyeur") was in New York. It would have been quite acceptable to have said that I felt too tired, and to have left the people who I was with to go without me. Had I not gone, it would have had absolutely no effect on my career. However, even though I'm gay and not interested in the women, because I'm fascinated by sexuality I was always interested in going along to see what happens!

There was also a fourth occasion on a team building weekend in Marbella, but at that point some of my colleagues had worked out that I was gay, so I wasn't even invited along with them. And on that occasion, there was also a straight colleague who didn't want to go along with the rest of them, so what happened was that I stayed in the bar in Puerto Banús and had another beer with him. Another important point is that these days banks need to portray a super-clean image to the general public, so employees like the reader's friends who're not going to embarrass the bank are likely to be welcomed :-).

My whole career has been in financial markets, in front office roles, and because I enjoy travel I consider that I've been quite lucky to have had a lot of international business trips over the years. Had I had the kind of role that didn't require travel, then I probably would never have been to a strip club as a result of my work. I'm not sure what kind of banking jobs the two friends of the reader are interested in. However, given that there are many different types of jobs in the banking world, and given how low key bankers need to be these days, it's very likely that if the reader's friends pursue banking careers then this issue will never arise.

Hopefully that answers the reader's question. But do any other readers have any thoughts on this subject?

Email about being gay in the City

Around the time that I went on holiday with my Thai friend B, a reader sent me the following email:

Dear GB

Hope you are having great holidays!

I've following your blog for a couple of years now and it's been great to find out more about (your) gay life, both personally and professionally.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on a few things that I find worrisome at the moment. Just to give you some colour - I'm an international student, studying in the UK, and I've moved to London three years ago. I'm decently successful university and job wise, however, I need some advice in regards to 1) my career; 2) sexual life (read: bi/gay, not out to anyone, probably not even myself!); and 3) a link between the two.

First, at the moment I'm experimenting with a couple of guys, only having fun. I don't plan to tell anyone about my sexuality, at least not for now as I'm not sure what I really want. I guess I can give myself some time, and I don't find it particularly problematic. I believe the best thing is to see whether I'll fall in love with someone as I had a couple of straight sex relationships but never actually felt deeper connection with any of my partners. Do you think that's a good strategy?

Second and more important for me, I'm not really sure which career to choose - banking or law. I'm a bit confused as I don't know which one to choose. What is most important and where I feel your contribution to my decision making process can be the largest is - how does it feel to be gay in the City? Would you expect any differences in these two careers? How many of your colleagues are openly gay? I heard people making fun - talking pejoratively about gays in both industries? Have you ever had a feeling that your career progression is related to your sexuality? Do you think there a lot of closet gays in your bank? (I read some previous posts on your blog, but I'd appreciate if you can expand more on it than you previously did with the sauna anecdote). Some general observations on both careers will be great.

Finally, two quickies - if you meet someone at gaydar, is it conventional to meet up with the same person again? I find it more convenient (saves time) but people seem to be very reluctant after a second meeting. Just curious... The last one - is there maybe any way of meeting City professionals, who are not out? Just to make it clear - I'm not looking for any financial benefit (e.g. Oxbridge graduate with good job prospects), but I'd just like to meet some gay people, who have similar interests like me, but obviously I don't want everyone to find out. (Exaggerating a bit, no one probably cares about me, but I want to keep it down for the moment).

Many thanks in advance, Grateful reader

Firstly, I think this reader's gay personal life strategy is absolutely fine :-). Secondly, I usually avoid giving general career advice, however some of the reader's career questions relate to being gay in the City so I'm happy to say something about that.

Regarding being gay in the City, as long as someone is reasonably confident in their ability to do a good job at whatever firm they work for, then I don't think they should worry about it at all. I never felt that my career was hampered in any way when people found out that I was gay. I even came out to my boss in 1992, which was a long time before there were any legal employment protections, and my career at that bank had no problems.

The fact is that in all walks of life, people are always making jokes about other people's perceived weaknesses or shortcomings. In that sense, life is just like being in the school playground, where kids poke fun at each other for being too fat or too short or too anything! On my recent holiday, I was told that Dutch people sometimes tell jokes about Flemish people being stupid, and in turn Flemish people sometimes tell jokes about Dutch people being arrogant. Being gay is just another characteristic that it's possible to tell jokes about. This aspect of everyday life is probably a bit harsher in the City than elsewhere. However, if someone does make a joke about someone's characteristics, my advice would be for them to take it as a compliment that they've been noticed :-). In the recent past, Stonewall ran an advert on the side of London buses which said "Some people are gay. Get over it!". I feel that the City got over it many years ago.

Regarding online cruising, I've often hooked-up with the same guy after an initial meeting that went well. If a guy is reluctant for a subsequent meeting, then it suggests to me that either

1. he's a very very cruisy guy and simply wants to *do* everyone he finds faintly attractive once only, or
2. He didn't find the first meeting with you sufficiently enjoyable to warrant a second helping.

If this is happening a lot, then unfortunately my guess is that it's the second reason, so perhaps you're a bit selfish in the bedroom? My advice would be that in future whenever you meet a guy for activities, then you should try and make sure that he has at least as much fun as you do! If you do that, then even if he's a very very cruisy guy then he may want to meet you again :-).

In terms of meeting gay city professionals, there's still the monthly drinks for gay people working in banking, see the interbank LGBT forum website. I'm sure that many of the guys who go along to that aren't out to everyone that they know, so I think that's your best bet when you're ready for it.

Do any other readers have any thoughts for this reader?

Drinks and networking for gay financial service employees in London

In a handful of posts over the years, starting with this one in 2006, I've mentioned the fact that there's a regular drinks event for gay financial service employees in London. As a result of those posts, I've regularly been receiving emails from various people who want to know more about those events. The good news is that the people who organise those events now have their own web site, namely http://www.interbanklgbtforum.co.uk/. So going forward, if anyone wants to know more, instead of sending me an email it'll probably be more efficient to visit that web site!

GB xxx

Diversity Careers Show 2009

Back in 2007, I went along to help at an event which was designed to recruit gay graduates into investment banking. I went along to help last year too, although on that occasion I didn't do a post about it on this blog.

This year there was a similar event, called the Diversity Careers Show, which was broader in terms of the types of organisations who were looking to recruit gay graduates. In addition to banks there were also some law firms, some firms like Google, Shell, Tesco, and some public sector organisations such as GCHQ, the Metropolitan Police, and the Royal Navy too.

Having been to the gay graduate recruitment event for the last two years, I decide to visit this year's event too. When I arrive I'm amazed to discover that the event has the explicit support of Gordon Brown, the UK's prime minister, who'd written a letter to the organisers:Even though I'm not really a fan of Gordon Brown's, I'm still impressed that he'd taken the time to support the event. It emphasises what I've felt for a long time now, namely that the UK is a good country to live as a gay man :-).

Talking to a few of the guys who were on the stands representing their respective banks, I get the impression that the event this year isn't as productive for the banks as the exclusively investment banking event had been in previous years.

"Yeah, like you I was at the investment banking inside-and-out event for the last two years," says one guy. "The candidates who turned up to those events were much more focused on investment banking, whereas a lot of the candidates here don't really know what they want to do."

"Why wasn't there an investment banking inside-and-out event this year?" I ask another guy.

"Well, it's much cheaper and less hassle joining this event, rather than having to organise an independent one!" he replies, "But we haven't had a lot of interest here, so I'm not sure what we'll do next year."

One aspect of the previous year's event which was included in this year's event, was a panel of gay investment bankers to talk about their experiences and answer candidate's questions. It was good to hear that they're generally of the same opinion as me, namely that it isn't a problem being openly gay in investment banking any more :-).

Alex - the cartoon on stage

Last year I did a posting about the Alex cartoon. As I said last year, Alex is an old favourite of guys like me who work in the investment banking world in London. Anyway, the Alex stage play is now back in London for just 4 weeks, from 25th November to 20th December, and if any readers who live in London want to go and see it a 10% discount is available. This offer was sent to me by the play's producer, no doubt as a result of the friendly treatment that I gave Alex in my posting last year. So, in case anyone's interested, details are as follows:

Where: Leicester Square Theatre, 6 Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX
When: Monday to Saturday at 7.30pm, Fridays also at 4.30pm
Economy Seats: £12 and £29.50
Business Class Seats: £45 includes a glass of Moet & Chandon, Souvenir programme and specially designed seatcover!
Youtube promotional video: click here

SPECIAL OFFER: Call 0844 847 2475 and quote ‘Megabank’ or visit www.ticketweb.co.uk and enter ‘Megabank’ as the promotional code for a 10% discount on all tickets until 6th December

Redundancies in the City

Last week, I get a phone call from a guy who used to work for me, and who now works for a small European bank's London branch.

"Hi, is that GB," he starts.

"Yes, who's this?"

"It's W, remember me? I think I need some advice. They're making me redundant :-(!"

I'm always happy to give advice to guys who used to work for me, but in this case I decide that it would be better to discuss things face to face, so I agree to meet up with him after work. Later that day, I contact a trader I know who works for the same bank as W by sending him a message on Blooomberg, to try and find out a bit more about what's going on. I get a reply within a few minutes:

They're making about 1/3 of us redundant. Looks like they're moving the profitable businesses back to head office, but I'm still here for now, enjoying the easy markets ...

I guess that 'easy markets' means that there's very little going on in the market that this guy trades, which can't bode well for his future either.

After work, I meet W in a smart City wine bar. I order a decent bottle of red Burgundy, before sitting down with him to see whether there's anything useful that I can tell him.

"Apparently they did some kind of assessment," says W, "and worked out that I was the most expendable, because my work could be done by the other guys in the team :-(."

"Sorry to hear that," I reply, "but perhaps I can tell you one thing which might be of use. Ask for more redundancy money!"

W looks at me, slightly unsure of what I'm saying.

"There's always more money," I continue, "actually maybe there's not 'always more money' any more, with the credit crunch and so on, but in the past there was always more money in these situations so it doesn't hurt to ask :-)."

"Really?"

"Yeah, well in the old days banks always wanted to avoid scandals with disgruntled employees. They'd never put all their money on the table at the start of the redundancy process! However, success here is only down to your powers of persuasion. Make them think that you might cause trouble, even though I would strongly recommend that you don't, apart from asking for more money. The package will already be a lot more than the statutory minimum, so you'll have no grounds to demand anything. Just use all the best arguments you can as to why it's unfair, and why you need more money. Do you have a lot of financial commitments, for example, a big mortgage or anything?"

"Not a big one, but I've also got a few buy to let properties which could cause me a few problems if I can't rent them out to cover the mortgage payments. What about you anyway, is your job safe?"

"No, of course not!" I reply, playing down my own situation, "who knows what's going to happen ..."

"But you don't have a mortgage do you?"

"Actually I do now! I've split up with my partner, so I took out a mortgage on my house so that I could buy him somewhere to live."

I suddenly realise that I'd never said anything to W which would indicate that I'm gay, except for the sentence that I'd just uttered! I catch his eye briefly and I can tell that he noticed.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I ask.

"Um, errr, well ... actually ..." he says, trying to find the words, "I guess I’m errr ... in a similar situation to y-you."

I'd always knew that W wasn't married, and that he didn't seem to have a girlfriend. But he doesn't seem very comfortable admitting the truth to me.

"I always thought that you could be gay :-)," I laugh, trying to put him at ease.

"Really," he says, "how come? D-did I give myself away??"

"Only by never talking about your private life," I say, "and because I don't really believe in asexuals these days, you had to be either a closet gay guy or a frustrated heterosexual! So let me ask the relevant question then, do you have a boyfriend?"

"Errr yes actually," replies W, starting to relax a bit, "a young polish guy that I met a few years ago. How old was your boyfriend by the way?"

"Just a couple of years younger than me. Why do you ask?"

"The guys that used to work for you all assumed that you were rich enough to have a cute young trophy boyfriend!" he says smiling now, "but in fact I guess it's my boyfriend who could be put in that category! He was only 20 years old when I met him a few years ago, so he's quite a bit younger than me. I suppose I'm a cradle snatcher!!"

"That's not at all my style!" I say, laughing at the thought of their discussions, "but why didn't you let any of us know about your situation, not even me?"

"Well," replies W weakly, "I guess I didn't want anyone to think that you hired me because we were both gay, or anything."

The poor guy doesn't seem very comfortable admitting his sexuality, even to me, so I let it go even though it's a pretty weak argument. We chat a bit more and I give him a bit more support in relation to his redundancy, and also in relation to being gay in the City. However, although he's a talented guy, I'm sure that there are lots of other talented guys who're being made redundant at the moment. So, unfortunately it may be a while before he gets to put some of that advice into practice.

I still have a banking job, for now ...

While I was on holiday, the financial markets have been quite 'unsettled'. The fact that the UK's banking system has now been partially nationalised seems incredible . Lots of job losses are predicted in the banking sector, on top of the job losses which have already occurred. However, for now at least, I still have my job.

A couple of days ago while walking in the street, I bump into an ex-colleague who works for one of the newly partially nationalised British banks, so I ask him how things are going:

"It was scary GB," he says, "the day our share price plummeted the dealing room went completely quiet. Everyone was scared. The clients stopped calling, apart for one or two who phoned up wanting to cancel old deals."

"So I guess you were all expecting to survive without becoming government employees!"

"Well yes," he replies, "things must have been a lot worse than we were led to believe. We've got lots of good businesses, but we've been brought down by a few bad ones and irresponsible management. Now we're all tarred by the same brush :-(. There's a lot of resentment. When it was announced that the chairman and chief executive were quitting, a huge cheer went up in the dealing room!"

But an old university friend who I met the following day, and who works for an asset management firm, was more up upbeat.

"These banking stocks are so cheap now," he tells me, "so I bought some! It'll all recover eventually :-). And if you ask me, I think the government is playing a mug's game by buying those bank preference shares. Preference shares give you all the risk but no control ..."

Hopefully this partial nationalisation of the banking system coupled with government guarantees for bank debt will be the low point of this crisis. It's a bold plan which in my opinion tackles the problem in exactly the right way. But if things go wrong now, with governments having already made their move to shore up the banking system, it's not clear that there'll be anyone left to prevent a very deep global recession.

GLBT networks in banks in India

A reader has brought to my attention one of the leader articles in last week's Economist magazine, which contains the following sentence:

One investment bank, for example, is extending its lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender network to its Indian operations over the opposition of its local boss.

Does anyone know which bank that sentence refers to? If so, perhaps they can either leave a comment or send me an email?

How can HBH fund his MBA?

I met HBH for the first time when I took him out for dinner last year, and since then we've become friends :-). It's good news to hear that he's finally got an offer of acceptance to study for an MBA in London. Working out how to pay for it is probably his biggest concern right now, so I thought I'd do a post specifically on the subject of funding postgraduate degrees. Hopefully this will be of interest to both HBH as well as other readers who may be contemplating some form of higher education in the UK. However it's been a while since I was in this situation myself, or since I had any friends who needed funding for higher education, so it would be good if readers with more knowledge than me could leave comments with further ideas.

Funding for higher education is a very wide area. Applicants are generally treated on a case by case basis depending on circumstances such as nationality, country of residence, financial situation, educational institution previously attended, type of degree and class awarded, and so on. HBH is not British, and although he does come from a former British colony in the Caribbean, this definitely makes it harder for him to fund a postgraduate degree here in the UK. Anyway, depending on the situation, the following funding sources may (or may not) be available:

1. A grant or scholarship from the institution offering the course: Applicants need to do intensive research before applying to business schools and universities, because most offer some form of financing via a direct reduction of tuition fees. Research should be made early enough so that financing can be applied for before the start of the course. Needless to say, there's usually stiff competition for this form of funding. For example, if applying to do an MBA program at the LBS, you come up against professionals such as doctors, lawyers and engineers who can all demonstrate a need. The clincher probably depends on academic ability. Even if you're successful in obtaining this type of funding, it's usually only a fraction of the total cost, so there still remains a large sum to finance.
2. Company sponsorship: A company scholarship might sound easy, but to qualify for MBA funding, you usually need to already be employed at that company in a managerial type of position with the relevant number of years experience. Even so, I suspect that many companies are tight on spending at the moment due to the credit crunch in the financial markets. While this option is definitely worth exploring, for many people like HBH this won't be an option.
3. Grants from private bodies: Finding grants from private bodies is like finding a needle in a haystack. They do exist, but it requires intensive research. The Grants Register by Macmillan helps. Do any readers have any specific ideas on this which might be useful to HBH?
4. Career Development Loans At the moment, the CDL program is being administered by three UK High Street Banks - The Royal Bank of Scotland, The Co-Operative Bank and Barclays. They have certain conditions which must me met before making an application, for example the institution offering the course must be registered with the Learning and Skills Council. The applicant must also have been resident in the UK for a certain period of time, and plan to remain in the UK for long enough to repay the loan. There are also other restrictions that appear harsh if you're a non UK national like HBH.
5. Personal savings of the individual: Private funding is always a good option if all other avenues fail. However, this option is a last resort for most people, because most people don't have sufficient savings prior to becoming a well-paid MBA graduate!  Hence establishing this source usually requires several years of dedicated saving, because one needs more than just a couple of £k. It's also a big risk to use all your money, because everyone needs to have some cash in hand to cover incidental expenses and living costs.
6. Personal loan from a bank: A personal loan from a bank is only available if you intend to work while studying for your degree, so that the loan re-payments can come out of your salary. Again, this is dependant on satisfying the conditions the Bank lays down. Just like with company scholarships, the UK High Street Banks are all hesitant to lend at the moment because of the credit crunch.
7. Association of MBA loan: The Association of MBA loans is presently being administered by a single UK High Street Bank. Several conditions must be met such as the MBA being accredited by the Association. The applicant must have no restrictions to remain and work in the UK, and several other conditions must be met too. As with Career Development Loans, some of these conditions appear harsh if you're a non UK national like HBH.

As far as I'm aware, these are the avenues that can be explored, however there's no guarantee in any of them. Sometimes good networking can be the best untapped source of funding for bright hardworking students like HBH . Anyway, it would be great if any readers have further ideas for funding, which HBH or any other interested readers could try?

Being 'out' in investment banking

Over the years, I've had a lot of emails asking me what it's like to be 'out' as a gay guy working in investment banking, for example I did a 'Dear GB' posting about it last year. On this subject, I recently had an interesting conversation with a young gay guy called M who works at the same bank as me as a junior sales person but on a different trading floor. Having established that we're both gay, we ended up going out for drinks together one evening.

"Have you always been 'out' at the bank?" I ask him, when we eventually get onto the subject of being gay.

"Yes," replies M, "I've never hidden it. Actually the guy who recruited me was gay, although I ended up reporting to a different guy who originally didn't know."

"But your boss knows now I guess?"

"Yes, one day he asked me outright, in the middle of the trading floor!"

"Really? What on earth did you say?"

"I just said Of course I'm gay! and carried on with my work, it's not a big deal to me. I'm sure I could make a complaint to the personnel department about harassment or something, but it wouldn't get me anywhere. My boss doesn't mind anyway, he just wanted to know."

"Actually," continues M, "I was getting a price on a deal from one of the traders recently when the trader suddenly sneered at me and said I'm not used to working with GAYS. I guess the news had spread!"

"So what did you do?"

"I simply said Well I'm not used to working with arseholes! and walked off. Since then, no one's mentioned it!"

I think this guy has got the perfect attitude for dealing with his colleagues in the banking environment. However, the only reason he can pull it off is because of his high level of confidence, and the fact that in his mind he's dealt with all the issues relating to being gay so that it's now just one component of who he is. None the less, it does prove that with the right personality, being gay isn't a problem in investment banking these days :-).

Looking to meet Bankers

About a week and a half ago, a reader sent me an email asking me a simple question. The email had the title "Looking to meet Bankers" and was as follows:

Dear GB,

I read your blog with interest and was wondering if you could tell me where a good place is to meet gay finance people. I am currently trying to expand the "types" of gay people I meet and would love to meet people in finance and politics which seems to be something you don't often meet in your regular gay bar. Is there any unofficial wateringhole where one could meet gay bankers?

Many thanks for your help.

Warmest Regards

Immediately I thought about the gay interbank drinks events, but then this guy doesn't sound as though he's even remotely connected with the banking world so that seemed inappropriate. But suddenly I had another idea:

Well to be honest I don't think there's any unofficial watering hole where gay bankers meet. But have you been to the Village Drinks, perhaps that's close enough? GB xxx

But it was his reply to my response that made this little episode amusing:

Many Thanks! I'll give that one a try. I was thinking financial types because I seem to be a big hit with them. Every time I go to the gents at Canary Wharf a whole bunch of guys are eager to milk me off! You guys seem to be an extremely outgoing and randy bunch and I'd like a bit more than just a quick wank in the loo.

Recruiting gay graduates into Investment Banking

In mid November, I received an email from a gay undergraduate in the UK asking for me for some advice, because he'd been invited to an event in London aimed at encouraging guys like him to apply for jobs in investment banking. Some aspects of investment banking do have quite a straight alpha-male reputation, so I think it's a good idea that such events are organised to counteract that image.

I had to laugh when I read his email in detail though, because it WAS the Alex carton: the guy wanted any thoughts that I had which would help him get an internship at an investment bank for next summer! He was also interested in any advice I had on what he should wear for the London event.

The truth is that although I work in a bank, I'm a long way from the recruitment process, so I don’t really have much idea what anyone has to do to get an internship. But at least I was able to give him some advice on what to wear. Many banks are 'Smart Casual' on their trading floors these days, so I think 'Smart Casual' is acceptable IF one can be confident without wearing a suit. If not, wearing a suit is always safe. However I reckon that if people aren't used to wearing a suit then they can look awkward in them, especially if it's a new suit, and in that case 'Smart Casual' might be better after all.

My reply to this guy would have been the end of the story, however a week later I got a phone call from an ex-colleague who's also gay. Once the main point of his phone call had been dealt with, we start chatting about getting together to catch up with each other.

"So are you going to the gay interbank drinks next week?" I ask him.

"Actually I can't make it this month," he replies, "but I'll tell you what, are you free the following Wednesday? The bank I work for is involved in this event aimed at encouraging gay undergraduates to apply for jobs in banks. Would you be interested in going to the cocktail reception afterwards? All you have to do is to chat to the students and tell them that being openly gay in a bank isn't a problem these days! I'll be there too of course, so we could catch up afterwards :-)."

In fact, I probably wouldn't have gone except for the email that I'd received the previous week. I reckon that I probably should know a bit more about the recruitment process, so getting peripherally involved in the recruitment of gay undergraduates seems like a good idea.

On the day of the event, although the students are there for most of the afternoon, I don't have to be there until the cocktails start at 7:30pm so I've got time to visit my gorgeous Japanese masseur beforehand :-). Afterwards, feeling suitably refreshed, I make my way down to the Lancaster Ballroom in the Savoy hotel where the event is being hosted.

I arrive while the last session is still in progress. Each table is being hosted by a gay investment banker with a different type of job, and the students are rotating around the tables to find out a bit about each job. I can't see my ex-colleague anywhere so I get chatting to one of the other gay bankers there.

"It's interesting to see what students look like these days," I start, "and what they wear to this kind of event!"

Of course, I'm trying to work out whether I gave the guy who emailed me the right advice! Probably about 80% of the students seem to be wearing suits. But then as I'd expected, quite a few of them look a little uncomfortable in them!

"And they also don't look as young as I expected," I continue, "I'd thought that I'd feel like their grandfather, but for some reason they don’t look quite as fresh-faced as I'd been imagining".

Before much of a conversation can develop with this guy, the students start leaving the tables and since we both feel we should have a go at chatting to them, we decide to head in opposite directions.

During the course of the evening I probably end up chatting to about a dozen students. And not one of them asks me about what it's like being gay while working on a bank's trading floor. Perhaps that was covered at length during the course of the afternoon. However, at one point I also get talking to one of the organisers:

"So are you enjoying the event?" he asks me, just after a couple of students that I'd been talking to head off to get themselves another drink. "I'm involved in organising this event so do let me know if you've got any feedback :-)."

"Yes I am enjoying it actually," I admit. "It's a long time since I was a student, so it's interesting to connect again with what going on at entry level."

"Actually this event has four purposes," he tells me. "Helping the banks recruit obviously! But then it's also a networking opportunity for you guys who work for all the banks. Thirdly, it's a dating service, and lastly ...."

"A dating service?" I say in disbelief, "Surely all the students come here for career purposes?"

But then, as though on cue, one of the younger looking students suddenly comes up to us both.

"So how are you getting on?" the organiser asks the student, "are you glad I encouraged you to come?"

"Oooo, it's very good," says the student, barely containing his excitement, "I was just chatting to this really cute banker who works in sales or something, and look, he's given me his business card :-))."

With that, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the guy's card as though he's won a minor trophy. All the students that I'd been talking to previously seemed very sensible, but then I guess there are bound to be a few like this guy who get caught up in the drama of it all!

Even though I haven't found out the fourth purpose of the event, I decide to leave them to it and head off to find my ex-colleague who I can now see standing on his own. People are starting to leave so we decide to head off too.

The morning after, before I go to work, I email the student who originally told me about the event to see what he thought about it.

GB: Hi again, I actually ended up going along to the event that you asked me about. I'll do a post on it at some point, but I'd be interested to hear what you thought, so as to get a student's perspective.

A couple of hours later, his reply arrives:

Student: I thought it was pretty good. The panel bit dragged on a little, and some of the questions seemed a little obvious, but the guy from Stonewall was great. The 5 min Q&A things were really good as it let you have a broad overview of a number of areas of a number of banks, and it was cool to see some senior people there too.

He certainly sounds like a satisfied customer :-). However there's one question I have to ask him:

GB: Glad to hear you got something out of it. But did u wear a suit in the end?

Student: I did wear a suit, it doesn't fit well as I bought it a few years ago but at least unlike most of the students and a surprisingly high number of the bankers it doesn't look like it was made from polyester. It was good advice they gave in the talks, though most of the stuff about interviews could probably be summed up by them saying "don't be a fuck up"!

I laugh at such a simple, direct, concise, but accurate summary of how to do well in interviews. If that guy wants a job in investment banking, I feel sure that he'll get one!

Competency-based interviewing

I just spotted a post by Soul Seared Dreamer about an interview that he had recently, and I immediately recognised the interviewing technique that he was subjected to. Several readers have sent me emails about jobs and banking careers over the last few weeks, so I thought I'd do a quick post about this technique because it's seems to be quite popular at the moment. As part of my management training a few years ago I was taught how to conduct this sort of interview.

The idea is that the interviewer wants to test certain 'competences', which are defined behavioural skills such as 'team working', 'communication skills', 'problem solving', etc. The theory is that when applied properly, two separate interviewers will reach the same conclusion about whether a candidate possesses each competence.

Each question is designed to test a single competence in something. In a half-hour interview, one can probably only test 3 or at most 4 competences, because each competence takes quite a while to establish. The questions typically ask the candidate to describe things that they've done, or things that have happened to them in the past, and there are likely to be follow-up questions about the situation that the candidate ends up describing.

For example, an interviewer might ask "Can you give an example of a situation where you solved a problem in a creative way?" Once you've answered the question, the follow-up questions might be "What did you do next?", "What was the end result?", "What did you learn from that?" etc.

If anyone finds themselves in a competency-based interview, if you can guess what the competency that's being assessed then so much the better. However, I reckon the golden rule is don't make anything up, because the follow-up questions will almost certainly catch you out. Telling the interviewer that you recognise the technique might help break the ice and make you feel more relaxed, and also might establish a good impression that you're not clueless about what's going on. However, it won't help you prove your competences, so don't think that it helps you get out of it!

In Soul Seared Deamers's case it seems that he's through the next interview stage :-). My best guess is that the second interview, which will apparently be with the first interviewers' boss, won't be a competency-based interview. It probably means that the candidates being interviewed at the second stage have all shown that they've got the competences required to do the job, and it's now simply up to the boss to decide who he likes best. The very best of luck to him :-).

Anyway, that's all I can remember. A quick google search seems to bring up lots of matches so if anyone's interested there's probably a lot to read!

An email from a gay reader starting a career in investment banking

About three weeks ago, I got the e-mail below in my inbox. Apologies to the reader who sent it to me because I usually manage to answer Dear GB emails quicker than this.

Dear GB,

I am not a regular reader of your blog, rather I came upon it by accident while searching for something gay to do on a Monday night in Singapore. I am a student in Boston, but I am visiting Singapore because I studied here a year ago and was on a trip to China and figured I couldn't pass up the chance to see the place again. Life can be quite a coincidence at times, can't it?

I am writing you because next summer, I too will become a gay investment banker as I enter the analyst training program for a major investment bank. I will eventually work as an analyst in origination in NYC, and am graduating from my university in May with my undergraduate degree. None of this is particularly relevant to my question, so I won't continue boring you with the details.

You have written about the difficulties of being out to your co-workers, and I started thinking about many things as I read your entries. Coming out wasn't a difficult process for me, I had always admitted personally to myself that I was gay but it just wasn't the "right time" for me to come out. When I got to college, within a month I just decided to start living "gay" and have been out ever since. I am in a fraternity (I hope you know what this is, think the movie "Animal House"), which is the most heterosexually charged environment you can find short of the American military, and all my fraternity brothers knew I was gay from the day I came out. The universal acceptance (and the occasional curiosity...hehe) I received was overwhelming. The one difficulty was the relationship with my family, and this is what encouraged me to write to you today.

My family has been unbelievably loving and accepting of me since I came out to them, but I didn't come out to my family until more that 2 years after I first did it at my university. I just couldn't face their (potential) rejection, so I held it in. For the first two and a half years of my college experience, I lived a dual life. I spent weekends partying in West Hollywood with friends and spent weekdays dodging questions about girlfriends from my parents. I really didn't enjoy this kind of lifestyle; it felt so contrived and made me upset and unhappy with myself. The problem is, I can see this happening again as I enter i-banking.

Granted, one situation dealt with the rejection of people I loved and the other is with my co-workers. It isn't the rejection that scares me, rather the aspect of potentially reliving the whole "dual-life" scenario. I am curious about your feelings on this, and perhaps you can elaborate on some of your experiences of being gay while working in an i-bank.

I apologize if my email was too long and ultimately somewhat open ended, but I would greatly appreciate any comments or insight you can give.

All the best to you, and I look forward to your future entries.

I've said various things about this before, including a few comments in one of my earliest postings. Also, as I said in my relatively recent posting about conversational evasion techniques, I think one of the most important things is to avoid telling lies. However as a general statement, I don't think it's necessary for a gay guy to pretend that he's straight in investment banking these days.

In that posting about Conversational evasion techniques, I tell a short story about when I was asked whether I was married at a bank Christmas party in the early 1990's. What I didn't put in that posting was the fact that the following year, I came out to my boss when I was asked to work in Singapore for a few months. And the view that my boss took then would be even more appropriate in today's litigious world.

I was deeply worried about whether I was damaging my career, but my boss had other concerns. He didn't care at all about my sexuality, instead he was worried about what his responsibilities were, and what the legal situation was in terms of how I should be treated. That was all in the early 1990's, and although I didn't have any problems, some banks were known for their homophobia.

I heard of cases in the 1990's where banks did sack employees who worked on the trading floor and who came out as gay. And I have to say that there is one sense in which I think that sacking such an employee could be appropriate. To succeed in that kind of high-energy fast-moving environment one has to focus on the financial markets, and what one's role is. So coming out as gay and making a big thing about it shows that you've got other things at the front of your mind. Banks always want the best, most business focussed people working on their trading floors, so almost by definition if someone is putting their sexuality before their job when they're at work, then someone else may be capable of doing their job better.

However I'm sure that in the 1990's some guys were sacked because the news that there was a gay employee on the trading floor was causing other people to lose focus on their jobs, and sacking someone in that situation is unacceptable homophobia. In the UK and the European Union these days, I believe there are laws in place to prevent this kind of action, however I'm not sure what the legal situation is in the USA. Another encouraging fact, of course, is that these days banks have networks that encourage social contact between gay employees.

Whatever the legal situation, it's now 2007, and my advice these days is simply to be completely relaxed and honest about being gay. Don't publicly come out to everyone, it's not what you're there for, just behave in exactly the same kind of way that your straight colleagues do. Actually a good idea can be to work out who the people are who like gossiping and make sure that one of them finds out that you're gay. In that way everyone else will quickly find out without you having to tell everyone, and then you can really relax and focus on your job.

A lot of the business scancals in recent years, such as accounting fraud and banks being sued for over-hyping tech stocks, all relate to a lack of honesty. As a result bankers need to be painfully honest in their business dealings these days, so matching that with equivalent honesty relating to one's private life seems highly appropriate.

Anyway, I wish the reader good luck with his career. Do any other readers have any other thoughts on this matter?

An amusing and surprising day

I hadn't been to the gay interbank drinks since last November when I went with my friend P. In December I was away on holiday with boyfriend number 2, and then I had other commitments which prevented me from attending in January, so I was looking forward to going along in February :-). But in early February, a colleague asks me to go an a business trip with him.

"GB, I need to visit a client in Geneva, and it would be good if you could join me because I know they'd like to hear your views on their situation :-)."

As soon as he tells me the date I know that it's the interbank drinks in the evening, so I make an alternative suggestion.

"OK, perhaps we should have a conference call with them then, wouldn't it be better to discuss this now rather than later in the month?"

"But they're a very important client, and meetings always go better face to face. And you'll get a good lunch out of it!"

Ahhh well, business has to come first of course. Anyway, since it's just going to be a day trip, I may get back in time to go to the interbank drinks after all.

The day itself turns out to be quite amusing, beginning as soon as I leave my house. A Swedish woman is trying to persuade my pre-booked taxi to take her to Heathrow.

"Sorry, I thought you were MY taxi," I hear her saying as I'm walking up to the cab, "I don't know where my taxi is. If I wait any longer I'll miss my plane."

Since my Geneva flight is flying from Heathrow anyway, I agree to let her share my cab. But as we're approaching Heathrow, I use my PDA's Internet connection to check which terminal her flight is leaving from.

"Err, I think you've got a problem," I tell her, "According to this your flight leaves from London City Airport, not Heathrow!"

London City Airport is East London, Heathrow is West London, so she's stuffed! And she's not able to share the cab fare with me either, because she's got no cash, only a credit card, and this particular cab only takes cash. I've got my own flight to catch of course, so I give the cabbie a bit extra to take her to the Heathrow terminal that's most likely to help her, and say goodbye. What a disaster area she was, no taxi, no cash, and wrong airport anyway!

Once in Switzerland, I need to take a short train journey and a short cab ride to reach the client. But on the train, an old woman starts asking my advice about how to get to the place where she's agreed to meet her son.

"Should I take a taxi, or walk?" she asks. "I'm worried about the one-way roads you see. It might be quicker to walk if the taxi is going to have to go a long way round to get there."

I offer her the map that I'd printed out from multimap.com the previous day, but she declines and continues chatting. She seems mostly harmless, but then I had to get a cab.

The cabbie turns out to be a North African guy who speaks perfect English. He's quite chatty, but as he talks to me, I can't help thinking that he may be a bit unbalanced.

"I like to joke with people," he tells me as we're driving along, "but some people have a bad attitude!"

"For example," he continues, "yesterday there was this fat guy, very fat in fact, so I told him that he looked like a woman who still hadn't had her baby seven weeks after the usual 9 months. I was just joking with him of course, but he wanted to hit me!"

Fancy that mate, I can't imagine why! I decide to give the cabbie a big tip, 'keep him happy' I think to myself, I don't want any trouble.

The lunch and meeting go well, and on my return journey no other members of The General Public come forward to amuse me. The flight lands on time, my pre-booked taxi shows up on time as well, and with no bizarre Swedish women to divert me I decide that there's time to pop in to the interbank drinks after all.

But at the interbank drinks, there's one more surprise in store for me. I'm chatting to cuteCTguy when I spot someone I know on the other side of the room.

"Hey, do you know that guy over there?" I ask him.

"Errr, yes a bit, not very well though, why?"

"Just tell me this, is he gay or straight?"

"I always assumed he was gay," says cuteCTguy, "and this is the gay interbank drinks you know GB!"

Indeed it is. So I guess that clinches it. Even long time readers of this blog will probably have forgotten the mystery of the sexuality of a guy in the gym called S, but as soon as I saw him there at the interbank drinks that was all I could think of. It's nice to tie up loose ends :-)!

An e-mail from a reader wanting career advice

About half an hour ago I received the e-mail below. I reckon it's an easy one to answer, so I decided to do a posting and answer it immediately.

Dear GB

How are you? Happy Lunar Golden Pig Year! What a cute pinky pig profile pic you have got there hehehe!

I am a final year uni student in Australia, doing double engineering degree. I am writing to you asking for some career advice :D

I recently did a internship with a big investment bank. I got in as an Equity IT intern, but I managed to score myself one week on the trading floor, sitting with various traders. I am waiting for the graduate offer now. What I really after is a front office role, IBD or Trading(Deriv). HR knew this too and they said they would try to get me the role I really want. They are thinking of deporting me back to Asia (they asked me if I am interested in working in Asia and I said yes.), as Asia is the growth region for the bank and they recently opened a new business there.

I understand that I am more likely to get a position in IT than Trading, because I have no financial knowledge what so ever. I am kicking myself for not doing double engineering/commerce degree. Apparently Australians are a lot less tolerant than English, in the sense that it is virtually impossible to get into the finance industry if you did not study the right course. This is what a trader from London told me anyway.

Anyhow, whinging does not help lol. Do you think I should take the position in IT if I am offered one? How easy is it to make the transition from IT to a front office role? Do you know any trader who started in IT? What did they have to do to make the transition? How do you view your IT colleagues? geeky? freaky? smart, but don't have the personality to be a trader? To be honest, if I accept the IT position, I am just doing it for the sake of getting into the bank.

Is it a smart move for me to go back to Asia now? Is it easier to climb up the ranks in a growth region? I have a feeling that, if I leave Australia now, I might never come back to work. The thought of leaving my family and friends saddens me lol. This is why I decided to work in Australia for 2 years before going back. Should I consider going to a top business school to get an MBA?

Thank you so much for your time! I really appreciate it. I will be looking forward to to your advice.

Kind Regards

I think the short answer is 'yes', take the IT role if you can't get directly into a role you prefer. The work experience will be good, and whatever projects you work on you should learn a lot. All good banks have training budgets too, so once you're in the door there may well be opportunities to take short internal courses to develop your skills.

If you're still in your last year at uni then you're still very young. The good thing is that you've told the HR department what your goals are, so if opportunities don't develop at the bank that hires you, then you can always look elsewhere with a clean conscience. It is true that it's can be hard to switch department. But when you're young, keen and ambitious, it can be quite easy to switch bank. Regarding an MBA, at your age I reckon work experience in a bank would be better.

One way to develop your career would be to get onto a bank graduate training scheme of some sort. Just because you won't be a fresh graduate any more doesn't mean that you're not eligible. On the contrary, a young guy who's got a bit of real work experience in a bank is a good candidate, either within the bank you're working for or at another bank.

Everyone says Asia is the future, and there's no doubt that the region has a lot of room for explosive growth. But IT might also be the future. In my opinion, each day the world becomes slightly more quantitative and computer oriented. So the traders of the future may well be computer programmers designing algorithms for their automated trading bots!

Conversational evasion techniques

Yesterday a reader left a comment on a recent posting of mine asking for some advice. I reckon he's asked an important question, so I've decided to answer it in 'Dear GB' format, and then other readers can add their thoughts too. The question the reader asked is as follows:

Dear GB,

How do you manage to be discreet about your sexuality in the office? I want to be discreet too, but during a conversation today with a co-worker, he asked if I'd ever had a gf? I replied honestly and said no, (and whispered to myself...never) and then tried to change the topic. He was kinda amused, though I'm just 21. I'm sure you have experienced those kinds of situations when heterosexual co-workers talk about girls and they begin to put you in the hot seat, asking about your experiences with girls. Just the thought makes me sick to my stomach. So how have you managed to handle these situations? Cheers, you rock gb :-)

Adrian

I think the most important thing to say is that there's nothing wrong with being gay. But it doesn't always feel like that! Things would be much simpler if we could all just say to everyone "I'm gay" as soon as we realise, but of course life is more complex than that. When one is young or still coming out, it can be particularly hard to handle these kind of situations. It certainly was for me.

For a guy who is completely 100% out as a gay man to everyone he knows, if he gets asked about girls by someone who doesn't know he's gay, he will be confident enough to say "I prefer men". There are a very small number of guys who've never had a problem being gay, and have been out to all friends and family ever since they can remember. But I think it takes most of us at least a few years to fully come out, and even then one may not want to be "out" to absolutely everyone one knows for one reason or another.

But whatever stage of coming out one is at, however early, I think the golden rule is never to lie. So never pretend you like girls if you don't, never pretend you've had experiences that you haven't had, never say anything that you may have to contradict if one day you end up being more open about your sexuality. If you lie you're likely to get caught out eventually, which will probably have all sorts of consequences which would be worse than anything that could happen by avoiding a lie. Replying honestly to difficult questions is one possibility, and in fact can sometimes be a good idea.

This is because a lot of the time, when you're in these situations, the other guys are just trying to be friendly. A good way to make friends with people is to find common ground. Since most of the population is heterosexual, it's a common mistake to assume that everyone is heterosexual, particularly for guys that haven't met many gay guys. When this happens it's a fascinating failure of communication, because one guy is trying to express friendship, and the other guy feels like they're under attack. If this is indeed the situation, almost anything one says is likely to be well received because the intention on the other side is friendship. In general, there's no doubt that western society is more accommodating for gay people these days, so sometimes, coming out in this situation can be a good idea because sharing a confidence is reciprocating the intended friendship.

One can also get asked these questions by family members, in big family gatherings. Before I'd even properly come out as gay to myself, I can remember being asked about girlfriends by my grandmother when the whole family was listening. I reacted very badly to the question, and the whole afternoon had a bad flavour for everyone as a result. Again, the intention was friendly, but I felt under attack. I should have simply said something like "I'll sort myself out eventually!"

Of course, the intention isn't always friendly. But then, if it is a potentially unfriendly situation, unfriendly replies are more acceptable. In which case, finding a way to say "mind your own business" can work.

These days I don't hide my sexuality even at the bank, although I still use discrete language. So I'll always talk about "my partner" rather than "my boyfriend(s)". There's a whole language which most people will understand means that you're probably gay, but which doesn't actually require you to say that you're gay. And if people don't get the message, being emphatic and repeating a previous answer can sometimes help.

As an example, I can recall something that happened to me in the early 1990's. I was still getting used to a gay lifestyle a few years after I'd started living with boyfriend number 1, and one year I was the new staff member sitting on a big table of colleagues at the bank Christmas party. A natural pause in the conversation arises, and suddenly one of the most extrovert and heterosexual guys on the trading floor asks me a question.

"So GB, are you married?"

Immediately the whole table focuses on me, waiting for my answer. It's a natural fact of office life that people are nosey and like to know these simple facts about each other. And unmarried girls are often interested to know who the unmarried guys are in their office, because it's very common for heterosexual relationships to start through a work connection. But what can I say? Back in those days, even saying "I live with my partner" seemed more obvious than I felt comfortable with.

"Errr no, but I'm spoken for," I reply timidly. More confidence in delivering my answer might have helped the conversation move on, but in those days I wasn't nearly as confident as I am now.

"Uh huh, do you live together then?" the guy replies, trying to gauge the strength of my relationship. Everyone is still listening. But I really don't want to say any more.

"I'm spoken for!" I reply, "That's all you need to know!!"

It worked. I was at that bank for another five years and I was never asked about my domestic situation again.

Anyway Adrian, I hope that helps. Perhaps some other readers have further thoughts on how to handle these situations?

Inappropriate toilet facilities

I'm at a birthday party for one of the guys from the gym I go to, chatting to another guy who works in Human Resources for a major bank in the City.

"So I guess you're the guys who get to see all the salaries and bonuses then?" I say mischievously.

"Well some of us do, when required", he replies, "but that side of the job is all pretty boring actually. The interesting stuff for me is dealing with the unusual situations that can arise".

"Uh huh", I say, "such as?"

"For example, we had to get involved when they discovered who was crapping in the lifts about five years ago".

"I BEG YOUR PARDON?"

"Yeah, it wasn't a one off incident either. Every now and then they'd discover a human turd in one of the lifts in our main building. So to workout who it was they installed cameras, and eventually they identified the culprit!"


"No, you're joking surely! Who was it then?"

"It turned out to be one of the female traders. A bit like people who attempt suicide but don't really want it to succeed, just a cry for help really. She couldn't cope with the power and stress of the job, and used to crap in the lift!"

A drinks evening with some gay London bankers

A couple of months ago I wrote about a regular drinks evening in London for gay bankers. As a result of that post, a few of this blog's readers were put on the invite list, and at least one of them went along to the July event. I was unable to go along on that occasion, but recently I did find the time to attend one of these events.

I didn't want to go on my own so I had to find a friend to take, but who? The ideal friend would also be a gay banker, because then he would fit in. In the end I decide to try and get the Man from Fridae to go with me. After we decided that he should focus on trying to get a relationship established with the guy in Paris, I hadn't had much contact with him. So it seemed like a perfect opportunity to re-establish contact to see how things were going. A couple of weeks before the drinks event I send him an e-mail:

Hope you had a good holiday? And how was that concert you were going to go to last month? Anyway, I wondered if you'd be interested to go with me to the interbank drinks event for gay bankers sometime? I'm on their mailing list now, but not having been before I'd prefer to go with someone I know. I think the next one is coming up the week after next. Hope things going well with the guy in Paris. GB x

Within half an hour I get a reply:

sounds good.... can i confirm next week... so tired today after my recent travels. The guy in Paris is well... let's catch up over lunch sometime soon

The following week we have lunch and he seems to be in good form. He's still seeing his potential boyfriend in Paris regularly, although it's still too early to say what the eventual outcome will be.

But after exchanging various e-mails in the days that followed, on the day of the drinks event itself, the following e-mail is waiting for me when I get into the bank:

Not too sure about interbank drinks tonight. I had quite a few late nights recently and foresee a few more at the beginning of next week, so for the moment, I don't think so. Will let you know if there are any changes. But perhaps we could have a coffee together this afternoon?

Hmmm, that's quite annoying because it's a bit late now to try and find someone else to go with! But maybe I can change his mind somehow, after all, it doesn't sound like he's got any other commitments.

"Please come along with me tonight", I say in my sweetest voice when we meet up for coffee later, "otherwise I'll be all alone and miserable :-(. But if you come with me, at least there'll be one gorgeous guy for me to talk to :-)".

"Well maybe I could, perhaps just for a quick drink", he says, toying with the idea. "But what's it worth? You'll owe me a favour if I do come with you!"

Investment bankers eh, always dealing and trading, looking for a small advantage, even on the personal level. But at least it's a culture that I feel at home with!

"Well you could always make me your sex slave", I say mischievously.

"That's not a favour for me", he laughs, "that would be me doing you another favour. Don't forget, I know what you're like!"

Damm, he saw through my cunning plan. But in the end, he agrees to go with me after all. And later, he sends me a txt msg to confirm

i'll meet you outside at 7pm. i've decided to go to a friend's place who lives at XXXXXXXX before that

I end up getting there slightly early, so I stand outside and wait. Suddenly I have an alarming thought. The area where his friend lives is exactly the same area as the other guy from fridae that I met. What's the likelihood that the friend he's visiting is the other guy from Fridae that I met? I can certainly imagine that the two of them are friends. And then what would happen if they both come along tonight?

In the end though, the Man from Fridae arrives on his own. Pity, if my little fantasy had materialised, it would have been very entertaining!

"So have you got an invite for me", he asks.

"Yes, here you go". Although we could probably get in on a single invite, I had printed off two invites just in case.

Inside, the room already seems quite full, even though it's still relatively early. I buy a couple of glasses of Australian pinot noir and we walk around the room together, to see if we can find anyone we recognise.

To my surprise, throughout the entire evening I don't see anyone I know. In total, I'd guess that there were about 150 people, with a nice range of ages from early 20's to mid 40s. Most of the people were gay guys, although there were also a small number of lesbians. The venue was very nice too, and the atmosphere was quite chilled and friendly, becoming even a bit flirty as the drinks went down. I would certainly recommend it.

Initially, I spend most of the time talking to the Man from Fridae, but eventually he spots a friend of his from a squash club he used to go to. So we talk to the squash friend for a while, and gradually the circle of people we know grows. I actually find the squash friend quite attractive and suddenly an idea occurs to me - if the Man from Fridae can't be one of my boyfriends, perhaps some of his cute friends can be? But since the Man from Fridae is a bit dubious about my polyamorous lifestyle, I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't want me to start sleeping with his friends!

Update 14-Oct-2012: see my post about the interbank web site.

Drinks evenings for gay London bankers

Although I've been working as an investment banker in London since I left university in the late 1980's, until recently I was unaware that there's a regular social gathering in London for gay bankers to meet other gay bankers. Curiously, within the space of a couple of days I was told about these events by two different people (one of whom is one of my readers and who recently started his own blog).

The drinks evenings seem to take place around the middle of the month, in a smart venue in The City of London. Inspired by the soccer World Cup no doubt, the invite to the recent event carried a rather horny picture of a few footballer's legs, together with the wording:

Please join us at the Interbank drinks evening: supporting a gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender space in the City. Interbank drinks is a professional networking event that offers the opportunity to meet and socialise with other LGBT people working within the financial services industry in an informal business environment.

I have yet to attend one of these events, however I've been in touch with the organisers for more information. The format is basically drinks after work on a weekday evening, with anywhere from 120 to 200 people attending. It's apparently organic socialising rather than introductions, so people who go along tend to bring a friend initially to avoid having no one to talk to! The event is organised by the LGBT Interbank Forum, which is a committee that aims:

• To create an open and inclusive forum for LGBT employees from the Investment Banking community to meet and discuss issues impacting LGBT employees in their day-to-day work environment.
• To enable the sharing of best practices between the employee networks of the member banks so as to assist them to cultivate an environment that is inclusive and supportive of LGBT employees.
• To provide a forum for developing an appropriate collective response to LGBT issues that benefits each of the member banks and reflects positively on the Investment Banking industry's commitment to the LGBT community.
• To promote and encourage networking opportunities for the members of the employee networks of member banks.

So presumably there are a few core banks ("member banks") who set the whole thing up.

How come I've only heard of this recently? There was definitely nothing like this when I started working in the investment banking business all those years ago. One of the four aims above implies that it's related to the existence of the gay networking groups that all the main banks seem to have these days just for their own staff. Earlier in my career I might well have attended an event organised by such a group. But even though I've heard of these internal networking groups at a couple of the banks that I've worked for over the last few years, I always thought that any internal event would be a bit dull so I never bothered to investigate. However Interbank drinks, with gay guys from across the whole City, is a much more exciting prospect :-).

Anyway, if there are any gay bankers who read my blog who want to know more, I'll happily try and put you in touch with the organisers. Just send me an e-mail, and I'll forward it on.

Meanwhile, I must try and attend one of these drinks evenings. Having worked in The City for so long, there's bound to be someone that I'll meet there who I didn't know was gay, and that's always an entertaining experience!

Update 14-Oct-2012: see my post about the interbank web site.